Last week’s episode was titled ‘She Wants Revenge’, and this week’s episode was ‘She Gets Revenge’. No surprises for guessing what this is in reference to. Luring Natasha to the Hotel, after psycho-sexual tumble the Countess pulled the trigger and thus ended the life of the only person in her way of a life with Valentino. But she forgot about one other person, that guy that she just promised to be in a monogomous relationship with. Yep, Donovan finds out about Valentino and goes to visit this one great love. He’s not too impressed by what he sees, and despite Valentino’s best efforts with a sword, Donovan shoots him in the face. Repeatedly. “I have better checkbones anyway,” he spits. “Checkbones for days.” Matt Bomer, ladies and gentlemen.
An elderly couple check into the Cortez and are the picture of happiness, with four kids, nine grandchildren and a marriage spanning 60 years. This makes poor Liz miss her beloved Tristan even more. But there is a hidden tragedy to the couple’s lives; the woman’s cancer is spreading and her husband can’t live without her. So they head up to their room, drink some champagne, and then kill each other. They won’t be making any appearances at the Hotel Cortez as ghosts though, as they were completely at peace with themselves and their lives before pulling the trigger. Liz contemplates ending her own life, but Iris convinces her that that would be a bad move since she still has unfinished business. The business? Liz’s son, who she left behind years ago when she headed to the Hotel. Hazel calls him and tells him he’s recieved a few free nights at the Hotel Cortez (because that doesn’t sound like a scam at all). But once this business is settled, Iris will join Liz in the suicide mission, as she feels that she doesn’t have anything to live for anymore.
The episode title could also be referring to Liz, a character so beautifully portrayed by Dennis O’Hare. Whilst Hotel hasn’t been my favourite television show this autumn/spring season, I must say that the plotline for Liz this episode was written superbly.Her son recieves some tokens for free drinks, and heads to the bar where Liz serves him. Without telling him her true identity, Liz and her son get into a d & m. She gives him some solid life advice: become your own boss and move to Boulder. Take the risk. After hitting it off so well, Liz feels at peace enough to finally end her life. But she has a chance encounter with her son before she heads to the world beyond, and it seems as though the parenting instinct is still there; he’s taking her advice and moving to Boulder. Liz decides to confess that she’s actually his father, but her son already knows. “But hey, there’s plenty of room for another woman in my life,” he smiles. *sobs*. Liz heads upstairs to tell Iris that she’s changed her mind on the suicide thing, and wants to be a part of her son’s life. Iris is pretty disappointed that the death mission isn’t going ahead, as she already created her video tribute complete with kittens and rainbows. Save it for a rainy day, perhaps.
John is continuing his reign of terror as the Ten Commandments killer, and is slowly but surely filling up his jars of doom. His mistress Sally is happy with his work, and mentor March even more so; he’s already planning of the murders they can commit together after the Ten Commandments are done. But John’s not entirely crazy (although that’s debatable), and he wants his old family back. Luckily his ex-wife comes to him: she needs his help to track down a pack of vampire kids that are terrorising the city. The Countess found out that Alex accidentally made them, and has threatened both Alex and Holden’s lives unless the situation is taken care of. There’s a lot of drama that goes down with these krazy kids, death threats etc. But ultimately they’re found and convinced to come back to the hotel, where they’re thrown into the unbreakable chamber with a ravenous Ramona and dead body.
Alex and John rekindle their love after playing detective together, and it seems like things are going well for John. But this reunion is not good news for Sally. She reminds him that Alex doesn’t know the truth about him; how will Alex react when she finds out that John is a murderer? Considering she herself is now a vampire, I don’t think she’s in any place to be judging John. The Lowes, including Holden, end up leaving the Cortez hand-in-hand, with crazy bitch Sally screaming behind them. Has John given up the killing? What will the Countess do when she finds out her child is gone? And more importantly: do we even care anymore?
Oh yeah that body I mentioned; that’s where Will Drake ended up. But because the Countess lost her temper and killed Drake at the hotel rather than in Paris, she now has two ex-husbands roaming the hotel. She’s filling the police in on her husband’s ‘disappearance’ when Drake appears, leaving them utterly confused. Drake interrogates the Countess about her plans now that she’s killed him; she can’t take over the empire because she signed a pre-nuptial agreement. But his assets are left to Lachlan, and the Countess is now his legal guardian. Lachlan will recieve his fortune when he turns 18…. that’s if he ever reaches that age.
The Countess had a hard few hours. Sitting down for a nice romantic dinner, Donovan makes announcement: He’s killed Valentino. In shock the Countess rushes over to Valentino’s motel, only to discover his pretty face forever destroyed. But some might argue she returned to a much greater sight at the Hotel Cortez: Donovan about dancing to Hotline Bling. This may be one of the greatese pop culture mashes that we’ve seen on television all year. He turns to find the Countess there, beyond furious with him. She’s wondering why he hasn’t run, as Donovan must know that she will kill him for killing the great love of her life. But Donovan knew this was a life sentence: he was counting on it. “Dying is the only way you’ll let me love you,” he declares, and who could resist Matt Bomer begging them for their love? The Countess weeps, unable to believe the unconditional love shown by Donovan. It’s a touching moment born out of love and desperation.
Untill an even more awesome moment! The doors fling open and Hotline Bling begins again. Liz and Iris burst though the doors, guns in hand, and fire blindly ahead. This is single-handedly the greatest television scene all year, if not ever. Did they kill the Countess? Did Iris murder her own son? We have three weeks and two episodes left to find out.